Monday, June 6, 2011

The Lord’s Miraculous Love

MiracleI am amazed by how much Miracle has taught ME. I was supposed to be the one teaching him. I guess life really is FULL of surprises.

I thought I would share Miracle’s story today.

I have loved horses ever since I can remember; Momma says I was born dreaming about horses. My papa and I would dream for hours about what breed and color I wanted my horse to be. I got my first horse (Lady) when I turned 11 in 2006. She was a retired race horse about 26 years old and I loved her to death! My brothers would sword fight on top of her and we would pretend she was a valiant war horse. She was so patient with all of us kids.  When my brothers and I were not sword fighting Lady and I would go trail riding in the "wilderness" (our 40 acres), and when we were not playing in the "wild" I was somewhere on the 40 acres sleeping on her back as she grazed quietly. Oh! And we both LOVED to gallop! I don't think I ever once trotted on her.
God taught me how wonderful and beautiful His creation is through Lady. When I galloped on Lady my heart felt so free I thought I could do anything, I knew God was there with me. 
Lady ended up costing our family a great deal of money because of some health issues. With the poor economy, my dad's employer had to close their doors. He started looking for more work and that search led us to Kansas. It was impossible for my family to afford bringing Lady with us and boarding her until we found a new home. Selling her was the hardest thing in the world for me. I couldn't understand why God would let this all happen.
While in Kansas I had a hard time getting used to the fact I no longer had a horse to feed and care for. I was struggling in my walk with God trying to figure out everything. My momma had secretly been emailing a woman about buying three of her horses. I found out about it when I was checking my mom's email for her. I asked her about the email titled "horses for sale" and she said she was going to try and buy me a new horse. I was so excited! I starting emailing the woman and asking questions and looking at pictures. After about three weeks, we figured out how we were going to pay for the horses, where we were going to keep them, and even when we were going to pick them up. Not even a week before we picked up the horses my momma and I were going shopping together. My papa called and said he didn't have peace about me getting these horses. He said he wanted me to email the woman and tell her we would not be able to purchase her horses. I respectfully told my papa I would but when I got off the phone I broke down crying. I told my momma what my papa had said once I had calmed down enough to talk and explain it all. I thought God was actually going to do what I wanted. Wasn't the horse His way of showing His love? Why would He take "my" horses away from me if He loved me? What did I do wrong?
During this time God was working many things out. We lived in the city and I longed to live in the country again. To make a long story short, we ended up meeting a family with horses that also had a house in the country for sale. They invited me out for riding while the rest of my family played and looked at the house. As I waited for their daughter to catch the mare, a brown gelding came up to me. He had his head low and he kindly stood in front of me with his big brown eyes. He followed me everywhere I went in the pasture. It was as if he knew he was supposed to be mine. Something in me knew he was supposed to be mine too. I absolutely positively fell in love with him! I asked if I could ride him however, they said, "oh, no! That’s an untrained horse." He normally was not kind towards others yet, to me he was sweet and I couldn’t get him out of my mind. For months, I secretly prayed that somehow I could have him.
We bought the property and I soon found out that he, Miracle, was for sale. We made a deal with the family that we would trade goats for the horse. I was so excited; I truly felt like God said, “Yes this is the horse for you.” God was finally going to do what I wanted (or so I thought). I started working on training ideas and stall plans. A month into planning the family decided they would not take the goats and we had to pay full price if we wanted him. I was heartbroken. What in the world was God doing? Why did He keep hurting me? Why didn't He love me like my momma told me He did? What did I do wrong? I felt so alone and deserted. Why did He leave me? For months I tried to "find" God; I couldn't hear God and I didn't understand why. I cried more nights than I can count. Ten months later, I decided to finally start a Bible study. In the book there were quite a few different themes; I decided to do the lesson titled "Love".  It was about a two week long Bible study with daily instructions on what to read. The first time I read it I felt empty and lost, the second time I was more interested. Each time I read the Bible and did my Bible study I felt less and less alone but I still felt like something was missing. On the last day of the Bible study, I was in my room cleaning when I remembered I had to read my Bible. It was really late and I didn't know how I was even going to read with how tired I was but I made myself do it. When I read the scriptures I was so filled with the love of God that all I could do was say “Thank You Lord!". I couldn't even remember the last time I had felt so loved! I just sat in my bed and cried. I FINALLY figured out that God was there the entire time. I didn't need to have a horse; He loved me enough to take the place of a horse. I went down stairs with tears still streaming down my face and told my mom, "Momma He loves me! I have felt alone for so long. I felt like I was in a desert. God really loves me momma and I don’t need a horse to know He loves me.” Tears came to her eyes then she told me she needed to tell me something. She said, “Your father has been working extra at work so he can pay for your horse. He has been trying to pay off Miracle ever since that family changed their minds. He said that he knew you loved Miracle and he wanted you to have the horse you loved. We didn't tell you because we didn't want you to get hurt again." I was completely shocked! I started crying all over again. The only thing I could say is, "He really loves me that much? Wow! He really loves me that much". I couldn't think or say anything else My Momma replied, "He loves you MORE than that. He sent His Son to die for you.” Now you would think that Jesus dying for me would have been why I cried but for me, I always see God's love for me through His creation. I am forever grateful for His Son dying for me but at that moment, God giving me Miracle was somehow His way of finally getting through to me. God has showed me He was there even when I thought He was not.
Originally I was going to name Miracle, “Faithful” however, after this experience I named him, “The Lord's Miraculous Love” I call him Miracle or my Love for short though. :-) Because of the training I have been doing with Miracle I have found out so many things about myself. I know I would not be the same person if God would have let me do things my own way. When I first got Miracle home I spent hours just brushing and talking to him. He was afraid and didn’t want to trust anyone. After about two weeks, I took him for a walk in the pasture next to the woods. Our dog scared him but instead of bolting like he normally tried to do, he hid behind my shoulder! Miracle learns to trust more and more each day and each day I see God more and more as I care for Miracle.

Until our next chat…

Beth Joy

1 comment:

  1. Oh Beth Joy! Your testimony is so powerful. Thank you so much for sharing your heart in this article. Isn't it awesome how much God loves us? I too have been through this journey of realizing that I didn't have to have the physical desire of my heart in order to understand that God loved me in a complete and amazing way that filled me up. He was enough.

    It wasn't too long after that, that I met my husband, Will. I was floored as to God provision and blessing on my life...coming to full contentment with Jesus alone changed the way I looked at everything...and miracles began to happen.

    I am SO happy for you and your journey! What a powerful, powerful story!

    You really touched my heart today my young friend!

    Surrendering to Him daily,

    Mary Joy Pershing