What happens when you have a Tinker Bell personality and a Sovereign God? Well let me tell you my story, a story that continues today.
...He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ...
Philippians 1:6I find this to be so true in my life. I see Him working in me through so many different situations.
There was a time when if even a mouse (I enjoyed saving the little mice from our kitties when I was younger) died I would cry. When our first lamb died I was crushed, then our family milk cow died - crushed, then 4 kid goats died - you got it - crushed. Each time it was a lesson. I had such a hard time when each animal died because I couldn't control the situation. I wasn't in charge. God was NOT obeying me! How unfair, right? Haha..well I learned. Slowly, but I did. I finally learned that all I could do was my best and my best needed to start with God. I learned that each injured chicken and sick goat belonged to God and that He loved them too. I learned I could trust Him with the life of HIS creations.
...Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God?
He wasn't done though. Life involves a lot more than sick and injured livestock. As a lot of you know, Daniel Justice Wood came into our lives. You could say Daniel is the apple of my eye. God did some amazing things to bring Daniel into our lives. I am not sure if it is possible to properly convey to you how much I love him...He is my little brother, he dances with me through the kitchen as I prepare meals, he hugs my neck as he slowly drifts to sleep, he smiles and waits for me to kiss his forehead before nap time, when I call his name his blue eyes light up and sparkle...I know he loves me too. He does this with each of my family members.
Daniel was born with Duchenne's muscular dystrophy though. We knew this when we brought Daniel into our home but I don't think I really understood how DMD would make such an impact. Well, DMD didn't change anything - Daniel changed EVERYTHING. How could God create a child that would change my life so completely and then give that same little boy a deadly thing like DMD? What was I going to do if/when Daniel went back to Jesus? How was I going to react when Daniel could no longer walk? What was I going to do? Questions like this bothered me...haunted me. Each day God has chiseled at my heart, slowly, carefully, lovingly. He was being faithful even when doubt surrounded me.
He reminded me of Joy (our milk cow), the wounded livestock, the goats, and every other little animal that I had ever cared for. He was faithful then, why would I question Him now?
...Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.
Matthew 10:29-31Is this not true? I found myself looking through the Bible and actually looking for God not for pretty sounding words. Not for what I wanted to hear but for what He wanted to tell me. I started looking for a relationship with Christ. As I did this, I found God showing me that He had a plan for everyone's life. Just because there is a diagnosis doesn't mean He isn't still the same sovereign God he was before the diagnosis. I learned that everyone's life is numbered. He opened my eyes. I was being selfish and prideful.
I am happy to say that nearly 2 years later I can say "thy will be done", and mean it. Daniel hasn't gotten healthier, but God hasn't changed either. God is a sovereign God who we can trust with the simplest and most urgent matters. Nothing is too big for our God.
God doesn't have to heal Daniel. God's plans are better than mine. I may not understand them completely but I can confidently say that I don't have to fix this. This situation doesn't need pixie dust or a fairy tale ending because God already has it under control. I know He will let me know when I need to move.
Thank God we do not have to "fix" things ourselves! Thank God that He is sovereign! Thank God that He is God!
To God be the Glory.